Use navy, not black. Some new years resolutions for your muffy aunt

So you got a lump of coal from santa, you've blown up like a berry and your


bank balance has shrivelled like your poor boozed up liver and both are at the point of no return.

The comedown of christmas is always a drag but FEAR NOT. Here are some failsafe resolutions to make 2010 the

final year of a decade you'll never forget (no pressure).



1. Get out of bed. This world is AMAZING.

2. Dont feel guilty for not getting out of bed. You deserve a lie-in if you've been out on the razz.

3. Buy a CD. I mean actually buy one. You can look at the pictures and everything.

4. Money situ doomed - VAT on the up. Do less laundry and use more deodorant.

5. Move more. Take up Mai Thai boxing. Self defence skills, toned thighs and happy head.

6. Dont lubricate. Start fire with friction, cos baby its cold outside!

7. Spend more time on yourself. Love yourself, you're amazing.

8. Cuddle more. People love to feel loved.

9. DO ONE THING. Dig a pond and get some froggies, stroke a dog or feed some birds. Just think of their little cotton legs.

10. Forget resolutions, more like revolutions. They go in one year and out the other.